Trees don't talk
by LovelyPrecedent
Summary: In his bedroom Denzel secretly harbors a plant that mutated and is growing money. Hopefully no one ever finds out, not even Cloud and Tifa.
"Psst. Hey Marlene!"

"What?"

"Come in here for a moment."

Marlene was curious. Denzel rarely invited her into 'his' room these days, since he got his own room at least.

She scrunched up her nose; his floor was an avalanche of paper, clothes, textbook and toys.

"Have a look at this science project I'm doing. We have to grow our own plant."

Marlene examined the common looking plant. "So? You've grown a tree and taped money to it for decoration."

"No!" The boy shook his little 'sister's' shoulders frantically. "Feel the money Marlene, feel the Gil and tell me if this is normal."

The girl prodded at the Gils, they were enmeshed with a thin spider web like coating, and stuck to the ferns. Her eyes went wide as saucers.

"But how?"

"I dunno, maybe the dirt had some sort of Mako mutation, but it could have been the bulb. I stuffed a Gil inside the original bulb for an A plus and then it just started growing money!"

"Wow! We gotta do something Denz. Hey! Let's start a business, like Cloud and Tifa."

"A money growing business?"

"Yeah a secret one, they shouldn't know about this."

Denzel frowned. "Who is going to buy tree money from us?"

"No one! So we can keep it all the extra money for ourselves."

Marlene's manic face gave Denzel inspiration.

"Okay, I'll get onto it. BUT, you promise me not to tell anyone Marlene. Only us two can know about it. This is so good, I can finally buy that flying hoverboard that Cloud won't let me have until I'm thirteen!"

"Pinky promise forever!"

* * *

"And now for show and tell," she recited in a monotonous voice.

"I was told this had to be a secret, but the truth is too precious to keep. Today I will tell you something amazing. Money really does grow on trees. I know. I have seen it."

The teacher's eyes widened in alarm and she looked around at the class.

"My brother Denzel is growing a plant, that grows Gil on the ends of the leaves."

"Liar!" a classmate yelled.

"Hey Marlene did you know Santa isn't real?"

"Hey!" Marlene stomped her foot and assumed Tifa's hand on hip stance. The accusing students shrunk back in fear.

"Since I cannot show, I will tell, and show a picture on my flip-phone."

She passed her cell phone around.

"Looks pretend to me."

"It's just sticky tape."

Little Damien looked carefully at the photograph. His knew his daddy was an important person who worked in the compliance division of Shinra, even if he didn't know what that meant. What this girl was planting was against the rules; he decided he would tell on her.

* * *

It was a boring Saturday morning, so Marlene drew smiley faces on the misty window of the second storey nursery. Through a smiley face she saw two Shinra astronaut men walking towards the Seventh Heaven door.

"Uh oh. Denzel! Aaagh!"

She charged into his room.

"Oi Marlene, I told you there is a knocking rule in my bedroom,"

"Hide the plant, we gotta get rid of it before they see it."

"Wait what do you mean? Who's coming?"

"The Shinra."

"Aargh Marlene did you tell?"

Her guilty face said it all.

"Marleeeeeene, I told you not to TELL!" he balled his hands into fists and flailed them wildly over his head.

"What should I do?"

"Wait here I'm gonna go downstairs get Tifa's tip jar."

"What the hell?" Cloud grumbled through the peephole.

He opened the door to the two Shinra astronauts.

"Can I help you?" he asked testily.

"Shinra environmental protection and compliance agency," a mechanical voice bellowed from the helmet.

"We believe there is a highly contaminated and unauthorized substance in the room upstairs, occupied by the boy. We will need to confiscate it immediately for further inspection."

Cloud followed the two who went through Tifa's kitchen as she was frying eggs.

"Hey, what's going on?"

"They think there is something in Denzel's room" Cloud complained.

"Oh my God. It's heroin isn't it? His brain is on drugs!"

"Tifa calm your boobs, it's probably just a false alarm!"

Tifa flung a raw egg into Cloud's chest. It cracked and oozed grossly down his black vest.

She grinned at his shock.

"Better be nice to me Strife, or I won't help you recover from your 'man flu'.

If Denzel was upset with Marlene's intrusion before, nothing prepared him for the awkwardness of two ominous spacemen raiding his own precious bedroom. They dug out the plant from under his bed with long pliers.

"Young man. This specimen of yours will be confiscated. Are you aware of any strange things happening with this plant?"

"Uhhh – no?" he feigned innocence.

Marlene was in the corner of his room struggling to stifle her huge laughing fit, because they were both breathing like Darth Vader.

A spaceman retrieved Tifa's tip jar from a hidden floorboard, which was full to the brim with Gil.

Cloud and Tifa arrived at the scene, standing at his door frame in bemusement.

"Young man, do you have any reason to believe that the contents of this jar are strange or suspicious?"

"That's my tip jar you're holding," Tifa reminded.

"Excuse me, Madam. Do you have any reason to believe the origin of the contents in this jar are suspicious?"

"My tips?" Tifa's eyes widened incredulously. "They are earned on pure merit for the services I provide, though I don't know why the jar was up here," she eyed Denzel, who glanced down and shifted on his feet.

"So you think they are of lawful origin?"

"What the hell! _Yes_ it is of lawful origin, believe it or not I actually build good business rapport with my customers such that they provide my wages through the lawful contribution of tips, though it IS probably news to you since legally and ethically earning money isn't really one of your company's priority values."

"Guys listen" Denzel interrupted the approaching fight. "I got a confession to make."

All eyes were on him. He gulped. "The truth … the truth is that I really wanted to have money to buy the flying hoverboard. But Cloud said I wasn't allowed to until I turned thirteen, which is forever away because I'm only twelve."

Cloud scratched his head awkwardly.

"So I told everyone in class that I was growing a mutated plant that could grow money, when really, I would steal Tifa's tip jar and paste the money onto the leaves."

Tifa's mouth hung open.

"Young man, thank you for telling us. We will need to bring this specimen back to the headquarters anyway to verify there is nothing harmful or contaminated in it."

The silent second spacemen picked up the jar with pliers and they both lumbered out and down the stairs.

Cloud stalked them. "We all know that you are taking home this 'specimen' so you don't look like idiots for believing a kid's prank."

Tifa closed her eyes. Woe to be at the receiving end of Cloud's man flu.

"Denzel, tonight you and I are going to have a long talk about our family values and house rules."

Denzel nodded solemnly. Though he was relieved that Tifa didn't seem quite so angry, inside he was sad, for his world changing plans were over, and he would have to wait forever for that flying hoverboard.

Tifa shut the door behind her.

The moment it clicked Marlene emerged from her corner.

Grinning, she pulled a hand out of her pocket and opened it to reveal the brown pile of Gaia's sweet life giving dirt, and in the centre of her open palm sat a green bulb with a stuffed silver Gil poking out.

For all her silliness Marlene was really much smarter than Denzel gave her credit for. He would have to take his judgment of his whiny little sister right back.

The siblings gazed at each other in self-congratulatory awe. Their parents were right; the world really was their oyster.


End file.
